26.2

I am a nervous wreck about running Bayshore this Saturday! There I said it. I feel like I put in my training, and I think I'm in better shape then I was the last time I ran this (I think in 2009? or was it 2010?)...I just know I totally hit the wall at mile 18 and I'm so scared of that happening again. Literally worst feeling. Ever. Well maybe tied with child birth. Your whole body cramps up. You feel dizzy. Want to puke. Tired. Angry. Hot. I could go on and on. Wow I'm sounding so positive! Yikes! I think I just need to hydrate better, not be afraid to have more than 1 Gu and not put so much pressure on myself. My goal this year is honestly to enjoy it. I'm proud of the hard work I put in, my long lonely runs in below zero tempertures, getting up early so I could be down with a 20 miler by 8:00 am, I'm ready!!

I have one more run before the race, and it's only 2 miles!! I just finished my 3 miler and even though my legs felt heavy and it was muggy, it was a good run. Well maybe not so much time wise. I'm not sure why my pace was 9:15 considering I should have been under 9 mm but it's done, and I'm ready to start my day. I think I'm just so sleepy, thanks to the little boy who is finally sleeping peacefully in his own crib.

I am developing this terrible habit with him where I don't let him cry at night anymore. If I hear him start crying I race up the stairs, pick him, and he says "Snuggle with mommy in mommy's bed"....ahh! What am I to do?! It's so cute and so precious and while I know this is so not what I should be doing, the other part of me loves every minute. Well at least the first 10 minutes. Then he freaks out if I even think about picking him up and moving him to his crib...so I let him sleep. Kicking me, elbowing me, rolling over me, pushing me, I could go on and on. Needless to say neither one of us gets the best sleep. Ugh! I need to put earbuds on and play on the ipad once I put him down to get him out of this habit. I need sleep. He used to be so good and going to bed until I started this. Darn it.

Alright, time to shower, and get back to painting...we are having new carpet installed next week and I had the brilliant idea of "quickly" painting all the trim in my house. Um yeah. Now Bryan had to buy new touch up paint for the rooms because there is no such thing in quickly painting trim. I should have hired someone. Live and learn, right?! I am officially retiring from painting after this project is done.

My Heart is Aching...

I have to be honest. I've purposely/selfishly tried to avoid all of the coverage on the Tornado in Oklahoma. I had an alert from CNN come through my phone yesterday stating that over 20 people are dead, and among the victims were children. My heart hurts so bad just hearing that, that I don't think I can put myself through putting a name to the victims, hearing their stories, hearing how some kids are still stuck in the buildings, scared, and wanting their mommy and daddy....

This year has been such a tragic year for so many. Sandy Hook, Boston Marathon, the Oklahoma Tornado, and I'm sure there are other huge tragic events that I'm missing that I tried to delete from my memory. Part of me feels so guilty not wanting to know what's going on, and forgetting about these sad events. The other part of me really can't take much more. I'm 2 seconds from quitting my job, building a bunker and never ever letting Gavin out of my arms.

I truly cannot even imagine what it is like to lose your children. I pray and hope I never experience this...I know and trust that God is in control, I am confident He has a perfect plan, and I know that things like this shouldn't cause me to question Him, but sometimes it does. Not to the point where I doubt Him, but I just don't understand. I wish He wouldn't allow things like this to happen. I know that none of us deserve everything that we've been blessed with, and that He is good, but I pray that God wouldn't bless me with my perfect, sweet little boy, only to take him away. My heart breaks for the parents who do not know if their children are alive, and for the parents who knows that their kids are no longer here.

I pray that God protects you Gavin from all of the evil in this world. This world is a scary place, but there are a lot of good things. I pray that we do not lose sight of the good, and that we keep our eyes focused on Him, otherwise it's easy to get swept up with fear, and negativity. I pray that I never forget how blessed and fortunate I am to be your mother, and that I never take it for granted. Not that I have ever once wished that I wasn't, but somedays there are times I'm so exhausted and worn out that I get frustrated...not with you. Just things like, waking up in the middle of the night because you want to watch Thomas, and it's 2:30 in the morning...like last night! Or the fact we were up playing by 5 am because you couldn't sleep any longer. Things like that are so little, and I shouldn't feel sorry for myself that I'm so tired when you know what...I'm so much more lucky to have these moments with you. I love you so much little boy. I hate that it takes things like this to snap me back into reality about how fragile life really is. You are blessed with a mommy who will do anything for you, always. You have the best daddy you could ask for. You are surrounded by SO many friends and people who love you, that sometimes it even blows me away that such a young guy can have so many people who care for him, already! You are so awesome, thank you for being my Gavey.

On days like this, where things do not makes sense, and I just want to hold my baby tight and protect him forever I have to remember...

 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6)"

Updates. Updates.

Wow. Ok my posts are becoming wayyy to far apart. Now that things are slowing down with work, I'm going to try my best to get back up to speed on this. The Key to all of this is TRYYY. Because I'm not good with jumping all over the place, well maybe I am, but I have so many things I've been wanting to write down so I can look back and remember these fun Gavey moments...and some "not so fun" moments, because Gav, let's be real the terrible 2's have hit and they drive this momma cray cray.



• You talk non-stop and I love it! You can say complete sentences and have been able to do this for awhile. Dr. Spates said your a genius at your 2 year check up. I have to say I agree ;)
• Your favorite foods are: Hot Dogs, Chicken Nuggets, Frozen Chobani Yogurt, Pizza, and Macaroni and Cheese. I pray that you do not end up a obese child. Ahh! You eat terrible. You are starting to come around to bannanas and apples. Whew!



• You HATE milk. Once we stole your bottle from you, you haven't had a sip since. Awesome. You are on track to be obese with terrible bones. The good news is Calcium gummies, which I hope make a difference. I'm done buying Soy milk, Almond Milk, Chocolate Milk, Goat's Milk (Yes your dad so did that! Gross!), and Whole milk. We can't trick you into drinking it so I give up. You win.
• You are so in love with Juliette and I'm going to just say it. You two are probably going to get married. Owww Owww. You just need to start being nicer to Steven, you're kind of a bully to him. You say Yayy let's play with Juliette, not Steven momma. Ha! I bet you two will be BFF's before you know it.
• Your favorite shows are Curious George, Thomas, and Little Engine. You also love to sing the Super Why Song...so cute!! You yell "Super Why, Super Readers!!!!" I love it! What I don't love is you now say "George wants dinner Mommy", "George is tired", and make REALLY loud monkey shrieks and say that you're George.
• You think it's hysterical to SCREEEAM at the top of your lungs in the most blood curdeling noise you can possibly yell. It drives me crazyyy. But I laugh every time. Shoot.
• When you wake up in the night and want to get up you yell, "I Pooped mom, Change me Mom!" You trick me each time, because you know I won't leave you in a gross diaper. It's a dirty trick Gav Gav.
• My Favorite things you say, are..."Give me a hug Mom! I need a hug" and you run to me and wrap your arms around my neck so tight. I love it Gav. Please never stop. Ever. Then you sometimes say Give me Kiss! And give me the longest smoooch ever. I couldn't ask for more :) My other fav...is when you say snuggle with me mommy, let's snuggle. It melts my heart every time and no matter what I'm doing I will always drop it just to snuggle. You're the best Gav.
• You are a super fast runner and whenever I want to brush your hair, change your diaper, bring you inside, well really do anything that you do not want me to do, you run as fast as you can so I have to chase you. Funny when we're just hanging out, not so funny when I'm running late and need to get out the door.
• You love hanging out with Jackson and Carly...They're your little BFF's and you would hang out with them every minute of every day if you could. I try not to get jealous ;)
• You're a big kid...pretty much between a 2T and 3T, although I did squeeze you in my fav shirt this morning which was 12-18 months. I think it might look a little snug, but I needed you to wear it one last time. Think of it as a favor to me for getting up with you at 6:30 this morning so you could watch George and eat Yogurt.
• You are obsessed with your Cars, as in McQueen, Mater, Sally, etc. You have over 20 of the Cars thanks to your Poppa and Grammy and you love to lay each one out and then run over them with your monster trucks...You also say MONSTER TRUCK in a deep, somewhat creepy voice every time! Ha! All boy?! Yes I think so. I wouldn't want you any other way!
• Your new favorite "joke" is saying in a loud raspy voice, "DADDY'S CHICKEN NUGGETS!!!" Ha. I don't really get it, and I'm not sure why you think your Dad is a chicken nugget, but I laugh hysterically every time. This either says more about you, or the fact I have a strange sense of humor. I really don't get it why I find it so funny...but I do. Every. Time.
• You love to pray. And it makes me proud every time! Whenever we sit down to eat, you say, "let's pray." You fold your little hands, bow your head, and close your eyes. at the end you always yell Amen! It's so precious and so cute. I take back what I said before, this is my real favorite thing you do. Love you Gav.
• You're driving the car already and love it...We let you sit on our laps when we pull in the driveway so you can "Drive" the car in, or back it out so you have room on the driveway. Actually after typing this out it sounds very illegal and unsafe. If that's the case then I'll plead the 5th and say I'm just joking.
• You are obsessed with "Big Kids". Whenever you hear another kid, you get so excited and say, let's find the big kids! I want to play with the big kids! But...you still call yourself my baby, which I love. You will always be my baby, even when you are a big kid.

Your First Co-Ed Sleeper

 

Ok that's a quick well not really quick, but at least an update on what you're up to and doing now :) I promise to try and keep working on this for you, and I guess for me too. I love looking back and seeing your milestones, and how you're growing. It's so crazy how quickly you're changing, and that you're turning into such a little boy. I am so excited and proud to see the person you are becoming Gavey. I love you SO SO very much. Thank you for keeping life so fun for your dad and I. We love you more than you know!!