I had a bit of a melt down this morning. Pre-Gavin dramatic mornings like this were a bit more typical than they are Post-Gavin. He has had a great way of putting things in perspective for me and reminding me about what's truly important in life. I also don't want him to look at me like a hot mess so I try to keep it together, but I guess somedays life gets the best of me. Like this morning :) I felt so bad though. I sat at my kitchen table, looking over my sales, spreadsheets, bookstore orders, etc and just started crying. I couldn't breathe, I felt so panicked and upset. Bryan got Gaveyman up this morning, gave him a bath, brushed his hair, got him dressed, and fed him his cereal and bottle, all while I just sat staring at my computer screen. Poor Gavey wouldn't stop staring at me and he looked so concerned. I picked him up and he gave me the biggest kiss and a smile and it made me realize that he is the best thing ever. In that moment I could breathe again, and I really can't imagine my life without him. I think I need my little Gaveypants. Poor Bryan though. He came over and rubbed my back and tried to give me a hug and I shook him off me and told him to stop. Ugh. I'm terrible. I owe someone a big apology tonight. He even got up early to try and find what I really wanted for Christmas all over the internet but he couldn't find anywhere that had it. Or that would get it here in time. Strike two- I told him if I didn't get it by Christmas I didn't want it. I think it's time I stop being selfish with him and truly appreciating how great he really is to me. Bryan thank you for putting up with my drama, stress and nonsense you are the best around!!! :)
A few people were putting up things they were thankful for during the month of November. I didn't but, I thought why can't I now? I really need to count my blessings and not get hung up on things that in the grand scheme of things don't matter. I mean they do matter (a lot) but in a different way...
- Gavin. You were a complete surprise but you were the best, and greatest little surprise I could ever ask for in my life. You are so healthy, happy and funny and I love you so much.
- Bryan. You are the best husband. You will do anything to make me happy, you're so smart and successful, and Gavin absolutly adores you.
- My Faith. Yes this should be number one, but honestly I can't help but think of Brybear and Gaveyman first. Although I'm not the best example, and I constantly struggle with living the life I should live, my faith is what grounds me, and it's what carries me through everything. I would be so lost and hopeless without it.
- Riverview. Riverview is what made Lansing home for us. We have made SO many great friends here, and we look forward to going to church every Sunday, which is something that I've never looked forward to in my life. Shhh! :)
- My job. Granted you have to work so hard, and a lot of times your hard work doesn't always pay off the way you need it to, but it's so financially rewarding, fun, and I truly love what I do.
- My manager. Both my previous manager and my new manager. They are both so great, so successful and have taught me so much. They push me to do better, not to make excuses and to work hard. They've done so much for me and I am lucky to work and to have worked with them.
- My District. I love everyone I work with. Granted I don't get to see them that much, but I have a few who I talk to on a regular basis (or Val who I talked to on an hourly basis :) and they are the only ones who really understand this job, the ups the downs and we all want each other to succeed and do really well. It's not competitive and we would all do anything to help the other person out, which is rare in most work places.
- My family in New York. They would do anything for you, and they've done everything for me. The older I get, the more I appreciate them. With the exception of one. Wait, I didn't write that. Ha
- Bryan's family. Laura is one of my good friends, I love my niece and nephews, and Bryan's mom and dad do SO much for us. Before we had a sitter in the area, they would drive an hour and half to take care of him so we could go out for our birthday, anniversary, MSU vs UM game, and coming up New Years Eve since we'll be gone overnight. His dad helps keep our house in order by doing things that we need done around the house. He's even mowed our lawn over the summer I think more than we have. Oops!
- My Gram. She is hands down the person I respect and admire more than anyone in my life.
- I know this is shallow but I'm so thankful and looking forward to our upcoming va-ca this summer. It's over due and I need to go somewhere, where I can completley disconnect from e-mails, cellphones, and the internet in general. I want to be selfish and spend all of my time with my Bry, laying on the beach, drinking cocktails, and hopefully not crying over missing Gavin too much :) Although I'm sure I will be a mess without him! Yikes!
- My friends. I am blessed with so many people I can call anytime, to talk about anything, and they will always be there.
- Adam. (Bryan I feel funny listing another guy on here- you'll understand once you start going to him! Promise!) I hate him during the time of our workout, but I appreciate him so much after. I may not be at my lowest weight ever, but I'm stronger than I have been before which makes me a quicker runner, happier person, and he pushes me to do more than I think I can do when working out. Plus he makes it fun, and I like going to the gym again.
- Tot watch at the gym. I know this is little but when I was on maternity leave, being able to take Gavin here in the mroning and at night so I could have "me time" kept me sane. They are so good with him, and get so excited everytime they see him. Gavin knows them now too and likes to go in and play with Grandma Jan, Linda and Brett.
- Our house. Shallow again but in this economy it seems like so many people are losing their house due to foreclosure or because they just can't keep up. I've heard so many stories about this and it's really heartbreaking.
- Maru. Hands down the best sushi ever.
- The professors I work with. So many people sent gifts when Gavin was born, took me to lunch or grabbed coffee just to catch up and chat. They are always asking about Gav, want me to send pics, and truly care with how he and I are doing. They've all been great to talk to, and it makes my job so much fun when I have friendships with the people I work with.
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