Life as a Rookie Mom: All about Perfect Timing

For some reason lately I've been thinking all about timing, and how everything happens for a reason. I know it's so cliche, but I guess the older I'm getting the more I'm realizing it... Case in Point- (Gavin don't be mad, k?! :) BUT, when I found out I was pregnant I was anything but happy. I was terrified, and cried, and cried and cried for weeks. I didn't want a baby, all I could think about was how much my life would change, gaining weight, and how my shoe/handbag obsession would quickly be replaced by diapers and formula. I really wasn't one of those pregnant girls who loved being pregnant either which didn't help. Maybe the 2nd trimester I did because I felt great, still had tons of energy, had just a little bump, and was somewhat excited, but then it hit again around the 3rd trimester where, I realized wow this is really happening. We're going to have a baby, I've never changed a diaper, I don't really like kids, babies make me nervous bc I never know what they're thinking, and what if I'm one of those people who have a baby and then never loses the weight. Then I started thinking about the whole process of giving birth, and the thought of pushing a child out of me was absolutly terrifying...We then had him and I didn't feel this overwhelming sense of love that everyone acted like I would feel. I was tired, exhausted, and honestly just relieved it was over. It felt like an out of body experience, but then agian 36 hours of labor felt like an eternity so I think part of it had to do with my lack of food, sleep, and the whole labor side of things. We had so many friends and family come visit and the thing I remember most is when Nate and Neena came by and Nate said Gavin has a dirty diaper, do you want to change it? and I just shook my head no and starting crying. I realized at that moment my life had totally changed, this baby is dependant on me and I have no freaking idea what to do. He ended up changing Gavin's diaper, while I just laid in bed with tears rolling down my face not knowing how I could ever take this baby home with me.

Fast forward to now. I honestly can say Gavin is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I feel bad, like I should be saying Bryan is, because technically he should be first and foremost than Gav but Gavin is my life. It's so cool to me that even though I had no idea I was missing something so great in my life, God did. We weren't trying to get pregnant by any means, Gavin was a TOTAL shocking surprise, I guess you could even say a gift. It's like I never knew how empty and shallow my life was untl he came along. Now, I would be ok if you took everything away from me, but not my child. Or Bryan :) What's important in my life is no longer having the latest whatever, but knowing Gavin is healthy, happy, and feels so loved. He can drive me a little crazy at times, like last night when all I wanted him to do was eat his peas and cereal and he kept hitting my hand away and spitting them out, or the fact he screams like a crazy man whenever I try to put a shirt on him, but he is the cutest, greatest, best thing in my life. I love you so so much Gaveyman. All I want for you is for you to be happy, healthy, God loving boy and my life will be complete.

Along with timing, it's funny how so much has changed in a year. Friends I used to talk to so much, I hardly talk to, and friends that I thought I would never talk to again, we're talking. Then there are the people who I didn't know before this last year and now they're some of my closest friends yet. It's so crazy how friendships evolve, and I'm realizing that the saying, "There's a reason why people in your past don't make it to your future" is true. I'm not the same person I was then, I'm a mom, I'm someone who's trying so hard to be the best wife I can be and really make my marriage a priority, and I'm someone who is developing such an awesome relationship with God that I will never be the person I used to be. I'm so thankful for my friends, my family, Riverview, my new (and old) small group, and all the ways that I've been blessed. I have so much to celebrate that on days when I feel overwhelmed, stressed, or anxiety about something I need to step back and really recognize what matters in life and realize that I have it all.

Now on a FUN note...We can't end a post without pics of Gaveypants, right?!