SO crazy how quickly things change!! Literally one year ago today I was freaking out having panic attacks because I just found out I was pregnant and was totally not expecting it. I just returned home from my sales meeting in Chicago, and woke up the next day remembering that a few of my friends thought I was pregnant and that I should take a test. I took one, walked away not really thinking anything of it, and came back to find a positive sign!! So I took 2 more and sure enough they all came back preggo! We went to church that morning and I called Laura and texted Val that I was pregnant. I felt so sick and so freaked out. The thought of a living thing growing inside of me kind of grossed me out for some reason (No offence Gav!). Bry and I went to Riv and had to walk out in the middle of the service because I was crying so hard. This was not planned, I was not for my life to change, and the thought of a baby made me SO nervous. I mean I never changed a diaper or even held a baby before. Whenever my friends would have babies and want me to hold it, talk to it, make a big deal over it, I never would. I just thought it was weird and was not interested...
Now fast forward a year. I'm currently sitting 10000's of feet in the air on my Delta flight to Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywoord FL. My son is almost 4 months old (Well in 9 days, or 10. Ugh I forgot the date of his bday again. I suck.) anyways. This morning was the roughtest morning of my life. Bryan's parent's came out yesterday and his mom is staying through Thursday which is when I'll get home. I had to say bye to Gavin and Bry and ugh. I feel like my heart is left in Michigan :( I am so in love with those boys that it hurts to leave. I know how pathetic I sound, but I never imagined it being this hard. To make things a little worse, I put Gav in the nursery yesterday, than his parents came out and took care of him while Bry and I did some yard work then just the two of us went out for a nice dinner and drinks. When I came home Gavin was exhausted so Bry gave him a bottle and I held him until he fell asleep. So I literally feel like I didn't spend any time with him yesterday. I feel like I abandoned him and it's the worst feeling ever. I guess the bright side is, it will be the best day ever on Thursday when I get home and get to see my boys again!! And, I have to say the thought of being able to come and go, and go out at night to the nicest dinners, and have lots of drinks and fun without any worries in the world, doesn't sound all THAT bad either. I'm such a mom already. I can't wait to get down there and buy lots of stuff for Gav. What is wrong with me?! It's not like he'll know or care where it's from. But I guess I do and that's all that matters :) I guess I just wish they were going with me. That would make it SO much better. I could have the best of both worlds! What am I going to do next year when Bryan and I leave for a week to go on va-ca?! Maybe I'll sneak Gav in my luggage so he can go to?! Although then our friends that we're going with probably will leave us becacuse isn't the point to get a break from the babes?! Anyways I'm rambling but at least it's killing some time on this flight :)
In other news. Why do I always end up next to weirdos when I fly?! Or maybe it's just me. I'm sitting next to two large black ladies, and the one is talking SO loud now stop, and the other (the one I'm next to) keeps sneezing and rubbing and itching her nose. I mean like won't stop. As in she probably rubs her nose every other minute. Why is it annoying me so much. I want to switch seats.
Oh and my last bit of news is I'm under 10 pounds from my pre-preg weight! WOO HOOO! My husband is amazing and took me shoppign like 3 days last week so I could get new clothes. I stocked up and probably spent way too much but you know what, I deserve it after carrying a child for 9 months, gaining 54 pounds, and working my booty off trying to lose it. Gavin you seriously owe me big time.
Alright, hitting turbulance and I'm running out of things to say. Hopefully I'll be able to update on Thursday that I had the best week ever, and that I'm back home with my Brybear and Gavva Gavs!!
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